Excitement Drowned out by Skepticism

What do you do when your husband tells you that there is a possibility of him coming home from his deployment in Afghanistan a few weeks sooner then you had hoped? Do you jump up and down with excitement before running out and telling your friends and family, or do you listen with skepticism and try to pretend you didn’t receive this information?

I chose the latter. I tried to fake excitement for his sake. I want him home more then anything else - he knows that - but I can’t let myself get excited before we know for sure. With the Military, nothing is ever for sure. I’ve told him before, I won’t let myself be excited until he’s got a flight number and arrival time. It’s too hard to be let down. I’ve spent the last almost 3 months with barriers up - barriers that protect me from being hurt and disappointed. As much as I want to be excited, as much as I want to give in and tell our family and friends, I just can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to them if it didn’t work out. It wouldn’t be fair to me. But, is it fair for my husband that I fake excitement at what should be exciting news? I don’t know. I hardly know what my role is, exactly. I send letters at least once a week. I send packages with snacks, fun little things, and other requests of his. I take care of our cars, our apartment, our finances, our pets, our families. I’m always supportive and encouraging to him and I try my hardest to be upbeat and happy. That’s what he needs from me. That’s my job. What more can I possibly do from 7500 miles away?

So, yes. I chose the latter. I listened with skepticism while trying to push this newest information out of my head. I acted excited while keeping myself from truly being so. This is my role.